Why Miranda Won't Be Getting Anything from Santa This Year...

So that's it then.

No Santa presents for me. Ever. Maybe. Probably.

You see,it all started when...

I was walking home from Gus and Salome's house.

Miranda: *humming to self* Wait. What the?

Elf: HI! HI! Tee hee hee!

Miranda: So uh... what are you supposed to be exactly?

Elf: I'm the ELF ON THE SHELF!!! Tee hee hee!!!

Miranda: Well, you're on a mantle, but whatever. So... are you new here? I haven't seen you around before.

Elf: Me? New? Tee hee hee hee!! Oh golly no, silly! I've been in Wendy's family for YEARS!!!

Elf: It's MY job to watch over human children and make sure they're goooood. And if they're NOT good, I go back to the North Pole every night and tell Santa, so he can add them to his "naughty" list! Tee hee hee.

Miranda: Well, if you're watching Wendy you should know, she's not naughty, she's just nuts. 

Elf: Tee hee hee!!! Oh, I've had PLENTY of things to report to Santa about HER. No presents! No presents for naughty children! Tee hee hee!!! 

Miranda: But that's awful. Why would you do that?

Elf: Santa pays us in CANDY! Delicious, delicious caaaaaandy. I just got a raise just this year: three more gummy worms for each "naughty" reported. Delicious gummy worms. Tee hee hee hee!!!

Miranda: And you've been doing this for YEARS you say?

Elf: Oh yes! I've been watching Wendy and her brother for YEARS and YEARS! I'm why she never got a pony (she fed her brother a mud pie! NAUGHTY!!!!) and why she didn't get the Barbie town home she wanted so badly when she was 6 (she didn't do the dishes one evening, she let the dog lick them clean instead! NAUGHTY!) Tee hee hee hee!!!

Miranda: Huh... I see. Well, I think I've got something you can report to Santa.


Elf: Oh, really?

Miranda: Yeah, really. Come closer...

(POW!)

Elf: OOOOWWWWWWW!!!! YOU HID ME! You hid me in duh node!!! You can't hid an Elf on duh Shelf! I'm gonna dell Sanda!!! I'll dell!!! You'll never ever never ged anodder Sanda predent ever! You hear me?!? OH! My node!!!! You broke my cute buddon node!!!!

Miranda: Whatever, narc. You can tell Santa that here, in the Wylde Kingdom, Snitches get Stitches.

Miranda: So yeah... no more Santa presents for me, I guess. But when I tell Wendy about the pony thing, I'll bet she'll get me something nice anyway.

Miranda: Anyway, I hope you have a wonderful Christmas Eve, even if you didn't get to punch an Elf on the Shelf in the nose.

- Miri